Monday 14-02-2022 - 10:26

 

Trigger warning: Emotional abuse, verbal abuse

 

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Valentine’s Day? Love, chocolate, and virtually anything that resembles a heart. We see love consistently romanticised and it can be portrayed as something that we should seek to be happy in life.

 

 

I know they’re not entirely to blame entirely, but I believe the depiction of love that we have seen on our screens has contributed to our generation’s view of what love should be. When I was younger, I watched Carrie Bradshaw and Mr. Big on Sex and The City and thought that was the kind of love I wanted, because their relationship was heavily romanticised. But really, Carrie sacrificed her wellbeing, her worth and her own self respect for a man that picked her when he felt like it.

 

 

Elsewhere, we see glorification of toxic cisgender relationships, such as Chuck and Blair in Gossip Girl. Chuck is often seen as a ‘lady’s man’, however in actuality Chuck is pushy and insistent with women in the show, especially in scenes with Jenny Humphrey. Chuck and Blair’s relationship became toxic, complicated, and unstable, making both their lives extremely difficult. But again, we see the same narrative: they end up getting married and, supposedly, living happily ever after. I think that glorification has manifested itself into the Gen Z population, and we are overwhelmed by pictures on social media of what looks like a beautiful, happy couple – but we don’t get to see behind the scenes of that relationship.

 

 

University is, first and foremost, a place where we come to get our degrees, but it’s so much more than that. We meet many new people every day: in our accommodation; on nights out; in seminars and lectures. We don’t often talk about relationships at university, nor the emotional abuse that can arise from them.

 

 

If I were to go back in time and do the cliché thing of speaking to my younger self, I would tell 18-year-old Rhiannon from Ireland, who didn’t know how to cook or to even put a wash on, that the boy who humiliated her in front of her friends on nights out wasn’t worth her time or energy. I would tell her to break up with the boy that never saw her value and would relentlessly scream at her to the point that instilled fear in her.

 

 

These are just a few shortened personal scenarios I found myself in during my time at university. I got myself into those relationships because I thought it was love but really, they were emotionally abusive relationships.

 

 

I found a way to escape from those scenarios. I graduated from Edge Hill, and now I’m here writing this blog for the Students’ Union. Hopefully, I can help somebody else who may be suffering in silence, just like I was.  

 

 

Emotional abuse isn’t discriminative towards race, age, sexuality, gender, or nationality. Anyone can be affected by emotional abuse, and anyone can be emotionally abusive.

 

 

Emotional abuse is scary because whoever is doing the emotional abuse is doing it to control you. If you are on the receiving end of that abuse, your reality can become distorted because you can internalise the abuse and think it’s happening because of your own failings. It’s not you, it’s the emotional abuser.

 

 

A term some may have come across before and is love bombing. This is a manipulative tactic used by abusers, where they shower a person with love and affection with the goal to manipulate somebody and put ensure they’re kept under their influence. Love bombing can occur at any point in a relationship, new or long-standing. If the abuser shows warning signs of love bombing later down the line, be aware of their actions. From my own personal experience, I know this can be difficult to spot – but if extreme flattery is making you feel uncomfortable, trust that feeling.

 

 

Don’t ignore the warning signs of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse can be difficult to spot because it doesn’t always show physically, but you might detect shifts in behaviour or attitude. If someone is consuming the entirety of your social life, they’re the only person you see, and they tell you they don’t want you seeing anyone else is a warning sign because they’re doing that to isolate you and I can already say if this is happening to you, your friends and family miss you and they’re worried.

 

 

If you’re worried about your own or somebody else’s relationship and wellbeing, below I have listed a few resources from the NHS website:

 

 

• Talk to a doctor, health visitor or midwife
• Men can call Men's Advice Line on 0808 8010 327 (Monday and Wednesday, 9am to 8pm, and Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, 9am to 5pm) for non-judgemental information and support
• Men can also call ManKind on 0182 3334 244 (Monday to Friday, 10am to 4pm)
• If you identify as LGBT+ you can call Galop on 0800 999 5428 for emotional and practical support.
• Anyone can call Karma Nirvana on 0800 5999 247 (Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm) for forced marriage and honour crimes. You can also call 020 7008 0151 to speak to the GOV.UK Forced Marriage Unit
• If it’s an emergency, call 999
   

You can also email for support. It is important that you specify when and if it is safe to respond and to which email address:

 

• Women can email helpline@womensaid.org.uk. Staff will respond to your email within 5 working days.
• Men can email info@mensadviceline.org.uk
• LGBT+ people can email help@galop.org.uk

 

 

If you ever find yourself in need of support, please don’t hesitate to contact the wellbeing team at Edge Hill University. The team of experts will provide you with the support you need if you are concerned about your relationship.

 

 

Let’s look after one another this Valentine’s Day, and if you are lucky to be in love with someone that genuinely cares and appreciates you, I hope you have a wonderful day – not just today, but every day.

 

 

Rhiannon x